Gus Kenworthy’s Dog Isn’t Remotely Impressed By Him — and She Makes Sure He Knows It

Gus Kenworthy went to the 2018 Winter Olympic Games hoping to medal in Men’s Slopestyle — a feat he achieved four years earlier, in Sochi, where he took silver — but he returned to America with something far greater: his dog, Birdie.

Rescued by Kenworthy from a dog meat farm near PyeongChang, Birdie now lives with Kenworthy and his partner, Adam Umhoefer, in LA, where she works hard to keep her Olympian-turned-actor father humble by routinely roasting him on her hilarious (if not exactly prolific) Instagram account, @b_pups. Indeed, it’s been nine weeks since her last hysterical and biting post at her celebrity daddy’s expense, and, honestly, the wait for new content has become excruciating. So rather than wait lord knows how long for her next sharp-tongued update, we decided to reach out to Birdie directly (via her publicist) for a little one-on-one interview. Straight from the dog’s mouth, as it were.  

Hello, Birdie, how are you? You look gorgeous today, by the way. Your coat is so lustrous!

Thank you, I am.

Well, of course you are! What’s your secret?

My secret? I have lots of them. One that I’ll share is that I killed and dismembered a man down the road who was a known animal abuser. I spread his carcass across his driveway as a warning to others.

A grave warning, indeed!

As far as secrets regarding my coat, however, there are none. Au naturale.

Some girls have all the luck! Still, a full fur coat in LA this time of year? How do you manage the heat?

Frosé.

Did you do anything fun this summer?

Britney’s wedding was pretty fun. 

Spears?! I didn’t know you two were close. Would it be terribly tacky of me to ask about her?

…

… I understand you like to go on hikes. What are your thoughts on Runyon Canyon? 

It’s basic as hell but so is my dad so I end up getting dragged over there a lot. I prefer the trails in Malibu.

Do people recognize your dad a lot when you two are out?

No, he mostly just stands around while people come up and try to pet me.   

Do you ever watch your dad on TV?

Absolutely not under any circumstances.

Any interest in a TV career of your own?

I’ve toyed with the idea but it’s less glamorous than it’s made out to be. A lot of time waiting in hair and makeup, sitting in trailers, working through meal breaks. I prefer modeling.

I understand Gus picked up guitar during the pandemic. Do you think he’s got a music career in his future?

No. 

Well that’s definitive. What about you? Do you have any special or hidden talents?

Yes, many. Thank you for asking.

Would you say you’re more of an introvert or an extrovert?

Being a celebrity, I never know what people’s true motivations are, so I’m often shy when I first meet them. Like, why are you trying to come up to me? Because you want to touch my luxurious coat? Because I’m so smart and funny? Or is it because you’re trying to get at my fame and fortune? By all means take my pic, tag me, but don’t act like we’re friends now — you’re dreaming if you think you’re getting a follow back.

What’s your sign?

I’m a Pisces.

What do you really think of Frank [Gus and Adam’s other dog]? Who’s the top dog in the house?

Frank is a bottom. Love him though.

What about cats? Are you pro or con?

I can’t say much for them. The arrogance to walk around with their tails up in the air, showing off their buttholes to anybody and everybody. Have some self-respect. Try therapy! They mostly keep to themselves, though, and I do appreciate that. 

And birds? 

I love my fans. 

What about fireworks? Do you love them?

They’re loud and annoying, but so is my dad.

What about the vacuum cleaner?

I like her. She’s reliable. She’s always there to clean up my mess, which is exactly what a good friend is for.

What about Ron DeSantis? What do you think of him?

I’ll shit in her wig.

And SCOTUS? Did you hear about Clarence Thomas saying he wants to “reconsider” gay rights guaranteed by the Court just a few years ago, like the right to marry? 

Clarence Thomas is a dog shit human being and therefore he should be picked up in a lavender-scented, compostable bag and disposed of.

Your daddy Gus is quite political. Is politics something you talk about and bond over? 

Not really. He basically just regurgitates things that I say or things he hears my other dad, Adam, say. He’s never had an original thought in his life. It’s sad.

What’s your favorite thing about Gus?

Lol.

And your least favorite?

[Unfurls a list the length of a CVS receipt.]

Do you think he’s hot?

No.

Smart?

No.

What about funny?

Sure, if we’re talking about looks.

What’s something you wish he knew that he just doesn’t seem to get?

That he’s disposable to me.

What are your plans for the remainder of the year?

Going to Ibiza on a PJ with Paris next month, which I’m looking forward to.

Gus says the two of you used to travel together quite a lot, but that nowadays when he goes out of town, he leaves you in LA. Do you miss traveling with him?

Oh god no! He flies commercial. It’s really quite sad. Did he say that he leaves me in LA? Wow, that’s almost comical. More often than not I’m the one traveling, but unlike him, I have tact and so I don’t flaunt it all over Instagram. Sure, I may be in Mykonos with a billionaire tech guy, but you’d never know.

How was it having him home all the time during the height of the pandemic?

It was hell.

If you could go anywhere now, where would you go?

The Heimat spa.

What would you do there?

Get a full, head-to-tail, deep-tissue massage and mani/pedi.

Sounds glorious! Any parting words of wisdom? A life philosophy you’d care to share, perhaps?

I may look like a snack but dogs are NOT food.