Hello there, potential forever humans! Chandler here—the devastatingly handsome grey and white gentleman who's currently judging your furniture arrangement from afar. I've been told I have the face of a model, but you'll have to take their word for it because I've instituted a strict 'no paparazzi' policy. Why, you ask? Let's just say I've had my heart broken before, and I'm not eager to create a portfolio just to be passed over again. My good looks are for my forever family only—consider it exclusive content! Now, let's address what my foster mom calls my 'quirky love language.' I bite. BUT WAIT! Before you swipe left on my profile, let me explain! These aren't angry bites—they're affection nips! Little love pinches to say, 'Hey, I really like you!' Think of them as punctuation marks at the end of my purr sentences. Some cats headbutt, some knead—I give the occasional gentle chomp. It's my way of saying 'I love you' with a little extra emphasis! When I'm not perfecting my love bites, I'm an absolute cuddle machine. Need a lap warmer? I'm your cat. Looking for someone to make biscuits on your stomach at 5 AM? At your service! Want a shower supervisor who will sit between the curtain and liner just to make sure you don't drown? Consider it done! I get along swimmingly with other felines, provided they understand that the best napping spots are allocated based on a sophisticated seniority system (which I naturally assume begins with me). I'm not territorial—I'm just a cat who appreciates quality real estate! And did someone say 'canned food'? Those might be my two favorite words in the human language! That distinctive sound of a can opener might as well be a dinner bell for royalty. I come running with all the dignity I can muster (which, admittedly, isn't much when food is involved). So here's my proposition: You provide the forever home, endless chin scratches, and premium canned cuisine. In return, I'll provide unconditional love, exceptional companionship, and the occasional gentle love nip to remind you that you're mine. Deal? Forever yours (seriously, let's make this permanent), Chandler, The Grey-and-White Wonder with a Bite of Personality P.S. No photographers, please. This face is exclusive to my forever family!
September 27, 2025, 9:34 pm
