My name is Pickles!

-- 🥒🔥 PICKLES: THE ANCIENT BUNNY DEITY WHO SPEAKS IN BITE-RUNES 🔥🥒 -- -- -- -- (Read this at your own risk. Pickles can sense when he is being discussed.) -- -- -- -- Long before humans walked the earth… -- -- before snacks… -- -- before refrigerators… -- -- -- -- there was Pickles. -- -- -- -- He has been reincarnated 472 times, -- -- each time as something with teeth -- -- so he could continue his eternal mission: -- -- causing chaos and chewing on things that were NOT meant to be chewed. -- -- -- -- Pickles doesn't “talk with his teeth.” -- -- No. -- -- He casts SPELLS with them. -- -- -- -- A single CRONCH can: -- -- 🥒 Summon a dust bunny -- -- 🥒 Cause your Wi-Fi to flicker -- -- 🥒 Make a bag of lettuce mysteriously open itself -- -- 🥒 Declare you unworthy in a language only squirrels understand -- -- -- -- Pickles moves through your home like a tiny storm cloud of mischief. -- -- He appears silently… -- -- You blink… -- -- He is suddenly on top of a bookshelf -- -- even though he has no known climbing abilities. -- -- -- -- He stares into the void like he's receiving instructions from an eldritch salad god. -- -- Then he turns to you and expresses his prophecy: -- -- CRRRRROOONNNCH. -- -- (Translation: “You will refill my hay OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.”) -- -- -- -- Owning Pickles is not “pet ownership.” -- -- It is joining a cult where the leader is eight inches tall and cannot read but somehow knows your every weakness. -- -- -- -- Side effects of adopting him may include: -- -- ⚡ Sudden missing socks -- -- ⚡ Unexplained lettuce expenses -- -- ⚡ Waking up with Pickles sitting on your chest like a tiny furry gargoyle -- -- ⚡ Learning to fluently understand “bite-speak” -- -- ⚡ Accepting your role as his mortal servant -- -- -- -- Pickles is not looking for a home. -- -- He is looking for a kingdom. -- -- A realm. -- -- A place to unleash his crunchy prophecies upon the world. -- -- -- -- If you adopt him… -- -- brace yourself. -- -- For Pickles will arrive. -- -- And with him, -- -- the Age of Chomp. -- -- Apply for Pickles at https://rabbitangelsrabbitrescue.com/forms/adoption_app.php?bunname=Pickles Our adoption fee is $120 for a single and $180 for a bonded pair. All adoptions are subject to approval and acceptance of terms. Not all persons will be approved. Upon approval a 50% non-refundable deposit is required for adoption commitments before a rabbit will be held. You will need to have the housing area all set up and ready for the rabbit to move in.