Posted 3 days ago
This helps Guardian Angel Pet Rescue, Inc with pet care costs.
Name: Casper
Alias: Agent of Chaos, Bringer of Mild Injuries
Age: Baby. Timeless. Eternal menace.
Casper appears innocent—tiny paws, oversized eyes, a purr like a motor set to “adorable.” This is a lie.
By day, he naps in sunbeams. By night (and also by day), he launches coordinated assaults on unsuspecting humans. His combat style is unpredictable, his motives unknowable, his crimes plentiful.
Known Methods of Attack:
Biscuit Torture: Kneads exposed skin with razor-sharp enthusiasm while maintaining intense eye contact.
Face Inspection: Sniffs your nose at point-blank range, followed by a surprise bite “for science.”
Keyboard Assassination: Sits directly on your hands during critical tasks. No survivors. No regrets.
Hair Tie Warfare: Steals them, hides them, then screams because they are gone.
Sudden Betrayal: Accepts pets. Demands more. Attacks for providing them incorrectly.
Finger Identification Program: Determines which of your fingers are alive and must be destroyed.
Despite his reign of terror, Casper will grant mercy in the form of purring, biscuits, and collapsing asleep on your chest like an angel who has committed no crimes.
In Summary:
Damage Output: Emotional, physical, absolute
Status: Unrepentant. Loved. Untouchable.
Approach with caution. Bring treats, prepare to fall in love and Accept your fate.
Name: Casper
Alias: Agent of Chaos, Bringer of Mild Injuries
Age: Baby. Timeless. Eternal menace.
Casper appears innocent—tiny paws, oversized eyes, a purr like a motor set to “adorable.” This is a lie.
By day, he naps in sunbeams. By night (and also by day), he launches coordinated assaults on unsuspecting humans. His combat style is unpredictable, his motives unknowable, his crimes plentiful.
Known Methods of Attack:
Biscuit Torture: Kneads exposed skin with razor-sharp enthusiasm while maintaining intense eye contact.
Face Inspection: Sniffs your nose at point-blank range, followed by a surprise bite “for science.”
Keyboard Assassination: Sits directly on your hands during critical tasks. No survivors. No regrets.
Hair Tie Warfare: Steals them, hides them, then screams because they are gone.
Sudden Betrayal: Accepts pets. Demands more. Attacks for providing them incorrectly.
Finger Identification Program: Determines which of your fingers are alive and must be destroyed.
Despite his reign of terror, Casper will grant mercy in the form of purring, biscuits, and collapsing asleep on your chest like an angel who has committed no crimes.
In Summary:
Damage Output: Emotional, physical, absolute
Status: Unrepentant. Loved. Untouchable.
Approach with caution. Bring treats, prepare to fall in love and Accept your fate.
